Lesson 2 - Still doing it wrong

Lucky me, after my last lesson I got super sick with a cold and my throat felt like it had been shredded with glass. Totally not great for riding! As such, I got to only "practice" twice before my second lesson. I was working with teaching Mia the new seat cues and with clicker training, she was picking them up pretty quickly! Progress indeed!

Then on Thursday we had our lesson and found we are still doing everything wrong. Ha! Isn't that how it always goes? For the walk cue I was pushing my left seat bone forward and then my right, but at the halt I was just looking like I was doing the cha-cha. I misinterpreted the cue, the "seat bone swing" was while we were walking and not when halted. The walk cue should be just a lifting/opening of the pelvis. The trot cue was pushing down with my seat bones before trotting off, I should just start posting with a forward motion with my seat.

My halt cue is also incorrect. I have always tensed my inner thighs to halt and that is incorrect. It should be a drawing in of the belly button and just halting my movement. When done properly, Mia stopped dead square several times! It is going to take work to "fix" my muscle memory, changing so much at once is certainly not going to be an instant process. What is right is my down transitions (other than halt). I do them 100% correctly every time already, win!

For this lesson, we worked on really focusing on working specific muscle groups. The lesson was a lot of true shoulder in on a circle at a walk. This is so much harder than it sounds! The goal is to slow down and really work on building new muscle structure so Mia can easily do harder stuff when we ask for it. A says that she doesn't have an indoor and so she rides her horses in all weather at a walk, doing laterals, and builds tons of muscles because she has focused on one muscle group at a time. Makes sense, and I'm willing to try it out. After 40 mins of on/off laterals, Mia was pretty pooped!

A did see some of my pics from my last XC schooling last year and was impressed. She asked how can I have balance issues in dressage if my jumping position is so good? I told her it is my Innovation saddle makes me! LOL! She loved my automatic release and my balance over jumps. She said she is super excited to have us jump in a few months, when Mia has the muscling she wants. She wants Mia to really be able to tuck her pelvis over jumps and thinks that our dressage work is going to fix it pretty quickly. Fingers crossed?!

I am actually more optimistic now than I have been in the entire 2019 year about riding. I was pretty optimistic in the spring, but my doubt that I could actually DO Training level really clouded things and (obv) affected my showing. The finality of the decision for App also seriously affected my entire year. I think I have successfully squashed those feelings of inadequacy and that I "don't belong", and I don't have the guilt for App hanging over me now. A does a really good job of being pretty tough, pointing out my flaws, but not calling me incompetent. I know the winter is going to be tough and long, but I really think this winter will be our turning point. I think we can do it!

Lesson time!

With Mia's neck issue, we had to cancel my lesson. And then the next lesson was cancelled due to illness (not mine). With my extensive traveling, I haven't been able to ride a lot but I have built up some stamina in preparation of our lesson. On Monday, we did a quick fitness ride with lots of trotting before working on transitions. While not super crisp, the canter transitions are coming back and the canter is slowly getting better even with the haunches  moving around.

The lesson went well. Really well. The instructor, A, and I seem to get along great. The biggest takeaway of the lesson is that it is time to up my education game. I make all of my transition queues via my legs, and I need to start making them via my seat bones (GAH). This is going to take time, obviously, but Mia is super smart and the instructor is confident, I am sure we will have it in a few weeks. By using my legs, I am very slightly changing my balance and am affecting her balance. If we can cue off of seat, my legs will be free to do other things. Makes sense I guess!

She also had me change my hands again. I used to ride with my hands down by my hip bones. In MI, I started riding with my hands up. When I had that fix-a-text this year, the judge said (among a lot of other things) I needed to ride with my hands down and wide again. Ugh. A wants me to ride with my hands up, so I am changing again. She also said my saddle may be a little small, my thigh is much longer than my calf and as a result, my knee pokes the plane of the knee roll when I have my stirrups where A wants them (up one hole from where I ride now). Since I am still very passively looking for a new dressage saddle, it may work. A is going to bring out other saddles for me to try out to see if I can find a model I like.

We worked a lot on holding contact and timing of my leg to get Mia to not only step under, but also step out. As soon as I let my leg up, or squeeze when her outside leg is active, she will gladly swing her haunches in. Time to fix that!

My next lesson is next Thursday, after Christmas. I will only be able to ride a couple of times before then, thanks to the last travel weekend for the foreseeable future and my now being sick. I'm actually excited to ride again though, and am really hopeful that weekly lessons will fast-track my progress and success for 2020. Let's bring on change, I am so ready for it!

All the updates!

Wow, I actually have a bunch to talk about since our last post! First, I had a new saddle fitter out. The saddle fitter we had been using for the past 2 years had passed away. We found Advanced Saddle Fit out of NH and had her out, she knows a LOT about saddle trees and was very detailed in her conversations. She brought 5 trees of other saddles and showed how differently they fit and how they interact and interfere with backs, and that tree shape is more important than tree width in saddle fitting. She said Mia is very steep in the scapula and wide in her rib cage. Mia would only fit trees that were super neutral, and flat in the back without a lot of tree curvature.

Mia's back 2017

We fit the County saddle first and she was super happy with it! While the front of the saddle sits low on Mia's withers, it is very well balanced and required only the minor adjustment of plumping the flocking under the seat. She recommended that I ride with a half pad on every ride, so I will use my Thinline quilted pad, to raise the saddle and reduce the impact since County saddles don't have a ton of panel space for shock absorption. She really likes Pro-lite half pads, however with 5 different kinds of half pads already, I am going to use the Thinline for now.

Mia's back 2019 - more muscle!

Next was my Wintec Isabel. While she doesn't typically care for synthetic saddles, she did like my saddle and said it was also very well fitting for Mia's shape. She adjusted the wool flocking that had been added last year to accommodate Mia's muscle asymmetry, as the flocking had moved (or not put in a great place) and gotten lumpy. She recommended using a sheepskin half pad with the Isabel as well. The synthetic material of the Wintec traps warmth against skin and doesn't transfer heat like leather, so having the barrier of sheepskin will allow air transfer and introduce slight shock absorption. I have several sheepskin pads, so no worries there!

Mia's back 2019

The downside of the session was that Mia had been bit/kicked on her neck the day before. It was so painful, Mia trembled when you touched it. And she REALLY didn't want anyone touching it. I gave Mia both bute and banamine for 2 days, and then bute for several more days to try to make her comfortable. Mia couldn't turn her neck or head, and it took 4 days before she could turn her head to almost her shoulder. As of now, she is about 80%, however is still very stiff in her neck and can't bend her head/neck past her rib cage when bending to the left. Baby steps! Because of her neck, we didn't do anything more during the saddle fit session than a quick w/t/c along the long sides of the arena in a halter in the jump saddle to test out different half pads and it was agreed she traveled the same in the thinline as she did the Pro-lite, but not the sheepskin.

Ouchie! 

Next post will talk about the lesson I FINALLY had!

Better things will be just around the bend

I knew I was out of town a lot this past month, so I wouldn't ride much. I was right, I rode very little. I haven't ridden more than 1 or 2 times a week for the past month. I was going to try to go to a small hunter show that was Nov 2, unfortunately while Mia is down for jumping all the things, the rust was too great to squeak out a decent hunter round so I didn't go. Things like half halts, balanced jumps, not rushing, and staying collected were no where near what a hunter show would require and I felt no need to spend almost $60 and a half of a day to go to a show when we were so ill prepared.

After that, I went on a road trip to TX for a full week. To clarify, we drove to TX and THEN went on a road trip. I had originally planned on flying down and participating but forgot to book tickets the day I looked them up. When I looked a couple of months later, prices had tripled and was out of budget so joined the drive down to TX, then did the road trip, then drove back. Dude. 6042 miles in 8 days. 12-16 hour days of driving in a vehicle that only comfortably goes 65mph, averaged 700 miles per day, with 3 people in a van with 2 seats. I was so done and over with the damn trip by the time we got back, I told SO never again. That amount of driving is well outside of the realm of "tolerating fun", I think it would be been okay enough of if I had flown down and back but to drive the whole thing? Nope. No way.

After we got back, our 13.5yr old German Shepherd died. We've been expecting it for a while, but for her to actually pass away hit me a lot harder than I expected. She was ridiculously healthy for being as old as she was, which is a testament to our care and her breeding. I really tried to do everything for her, and went well beyond what most would have done with the issues she had. It is an end of an era, as we are taking a break from dogs for a while. I've had a dog nonstop since 2004, and had a dog (but at my mom's) since I was a young teenager. It's weird not having a dog around. When we do end up with another, it will be a smaller dog than a 75lb dog and not one who sheds so much they explode. So last weekend we gathered up the dog beds (much to the dismay of the cats who claimed them as theirs), food, treats, toys, etc and donated them to a rescue. I wanted to make sure other dogs were helped even if we didn't take a dog on right way. When the universe thinks it is time, it will drop another dog in our lap. That's how it has always worked.

I finally started riding again. Last week I rode 3x. The rides are pretty light, as neither of us are in a shape other than round. It is a lot of reminding Mia that we are still under Operation "We are responsible for our haunches, and they belong behind us!". I did buy bigger spurs, I have little half inch nubbins and she was not actually moving off of my leg. I now have 1.5" knobs and it was amazing to feel the difference, once I actually noticed the difference. Her "moving off of my leg" in the canter before still left her haunches in. I can now actually get her to move her haunches behind her now.

While she is doing it, Mia is having incredible difficulty in cantering with her haunches behind her/haunches out. She is using all kind of evasion techniques, from running, to not cantering, to cantering sideways, to being ridiculously inverted, just by asking her to move her haunches behind her. I know it is  a process, and I am not going to be super concerned with correcting every evasion until a month or so of building new muscle, but our nice collected canter is not to be found the second I ask her to put the haunches behind her lol.

Finally, I do have a lead on some possible lessons, actual, real life lessons. I am going to talk to the lady tonight and see if we can get something scheduled. I am excited, I know we will make so much more progress with the canter with some eyes on the ground, even if it is to babysit my behind and remind me to stop doing stupid stuff.  Fingers crossed, it may be approaching winter but I'm ready to ride again!

Moving on, albeit slowly

Admittedly, I took App's passing a lot harder than I expected. Hell, almost a month later I still get really upset and tear up if I think about it too hard. I was a total zombie for 2 days, and a shell for 2 weeks. I am glad I had Mia, though, because I don't know if I would have went back to horses right way otherwise. We won't even mention the time, 2 weeks later, that I looked to his shed to see where he was before I realized he wasn't there. #Veryverybadday It's been rough, y'all. Like, legit rough, way worse than I expected.

Mia cares not for stupid hooman shenanigans

What else has happened over the past 3 weeks? Mia was lame, now she is sound again. She jumped out of the arena when I was free lunging her, right over the 3'6" half door. I started riding again regularly, something I haven't been doing thanks to the depression issue. The barn had a fun show, so I wanted to make myself go to it. So I dressed up as a black unicorn. And, again, Mia is amazing. She took less than 5 minutes to decide my costume was NBD and didn't care ever again. All it took was about 6 treats. Yep.

First ride with costume, apx 45 seconds after getting on. #NoCares

The fun show was cool and was the first GOOD day I had had since putting App down. Baby steps. I rode Intro C and it was the hardest ride of my entire life! HA! The costume was so extremely hard to ride in, and visibility was basically non-existent, but we were successful and we won not only our costume class, but also high point for the show! The judge ended up being the one who took all of my motivation away at the last show, due to a last minute schedule issue as someone else was supposed to be there. For the costume class, though, she absolutely loved Mia's #NoCares attitude and gave us a 9 for submission. HA!!!!! We ended with a 71.25%! The funny part was the bottom, 6.5 for rider position. LOL! Unicorn LEANS a lot! Geometry, yeah, no joke we needed work on shape of circle, I couldn't see ANYTHING and thought our chances were 50/50 she would just jump out! HAHAHA!

Our second ride was the USEA Training test and it went actually really well! For the very first time, I asked for all of my transitions and didn't blank out during the ride. #WIN That was what I have been hoping to do, fix my brain and I HOPE that I have done that finally. The ride was fairly uneventful, but the judge came down on us super hard again. She didn't like the canter lengthenings, she didn't like the trot work again, said we were just running, Mia's haunches are in, blah blah blah. I don't really care about her opinion though, I didn't ride for her. I rode for ME. I rode to fix my brain and I did. I am really happy about the ride.

This little section makes me laugh so hard! 

My big takeaway, however, is that I absolutely have to focus on Mia's haunches now. We have fixed so much training wise, her haunches are now the next big thing. She will travel haunches in, both directions, while free in a pasture and while free lunging, so I know it isn't a saddle/rider issue. Last week started Operation Haunches, and Mia does not appreciate the new mission lol.

Totally done with the rider's stupid antics

I now have slightly longer spurs (1.5" vs .5") and am riding with a whip, as when I apply my leg I am expecting her to MOVE. I've had 3 training rides and while they are rough rides, we are making progress. Mia is now moving her haunches and I can actually feel her haunches move. The movement is very telling, showing me just how much she has faked it for these 6 years. I can get her to move her haunches in the canter for only a stride or two, but that's fine. We have to build new muscle and balance. The fact we now have actual haunch movement is the win. Onward and upwards, right?

Does not appreciate Operation: Responsible For Our Own Haunches And They Belong Behind Us

I am gone almost every weekend between now and December. I want to try a hunter show on Nov 2, because it is super close to my barn. We didn't get fit enough to do another HT for the year, which really bums me out. There's always next year though, right?

And then.... time to say goodbye.

Last Friday was the day I had to say goodbye to App. I have been dreading the date, the lead up is NOT something I would recommend or would do again. Next time I will have a vague time frame and when it is time, I will do it then or with a week or so notice. The lead up of 2 months is horrible and 0/10 do not recommend.

App has been dealing with severe shoulder arthritis since May 2016. There is virtually no joint space left and has significant bone remodeling in his left shoulder joint. It has been challenging to deal with that, as his comfort level goes way down in the winter and on wet days, but we have been managing.

Then 2 months ago he started walking oddly. We had the vet out and he was diagnosed with a hairline pelvic fracture. On his good days, he just steps funny with his hind end. On his moderate days, his back feet step into an almost straight line with one another, like he is walking a tightrope.

On his bad days? On his bad days, his back legs cross like a runway model, he doesn't have great balance, and will sway too and fro while walking. He was a weeble though, he hadn't fallen down, which was a risk he was labeled with, Though I was damn impressed that he didn't fall several times. 

The barn manager has been going above and beyond to help make him comfortable. He started "free ranging" last year, she would regularly send me pics/video of his movement so I could help assess him since I wasn't there, and she would let me know if he was having a bad day and needed more drugs. She has never charged me more for the extra care, thought I have very regularly given her $$ directly.

From cleaning up after him when he pooped/peed in the aisle/indoor/whomever's empty stall he walked into, to receiving death glares after dosing him with Tylenol, to putting boots/wraps on to try to prevent the pressure sores on his fetlocks from getting worse, she played a huge part in getting him to this September. I am forever grateful that she did this for him.

While Friday was hard for me, it was perfect for him. He got to free range with Mia in the morning (yes, Mia got to free range with him), he had plenty of hay when I got there at 2p, and it was a beautiful day. He got about 3lbs of apples and a pound of carrots. He was so full of treats, he didn't even care about grass. He begged for more treats even as we walked to the grave and he was happy and alert as the vet gave him the sedative. Joke was on the vet though, App is super hard to sedate LOL. When we let him go, he simply buckled his front legs and laid down. The vet said it was the best lay down she has ever had in her entire practice. I am glad for that, even in leaving us he was graceful and peaceful.

I know for a fact I made the right choice and would absolutely make it again, but I am still super sad. I wish I could have done this when he was 35 instead of 26. I wish I could have moved somewhere warm in 2016 so the winters wouldn't have escalated things. I wish he was still here. But he is at peace, is no longer in pain, and isn't going to to suffer when it gets colder. My biggest fear was him slipping and something worse happening with his pelvis fracture.

But I did everything right. The vet even commented that for as severe as his issues were, he was exceptionally managed. He even didn't look "old". That I was the only person they knew who managed a severe shoulder injury for as long as I did. That I was the only person who tried everything they suggested and there was literally no other options they could offer. That he was not in excessive pain, as he was in excellent weight and was super alert. I did everything I could and gave him a peaceful, happy passing.

I would rather let him go a month too early than a day too late, so I did. So I shall hold him close to my heart forever, until we meet again for one more ride.

Chip - 5/16/93 - 9/27/19

First things first

Why did I not post about the show results? Because the judge destroyed 100% of my motivation and I still haven't ridden a real dressage ride since the 15th. Yeah, that bad. Anyway, the story. Our ride was at 4p, it was super weird to actually DO stuff that is not horse-related on a show day. How does that even work?! 

I took the time to braid. I shouldn't have. Mia hates being braided and I went from chill, cool cucumber to a very annoyed and pissed off person in that 30 minutes. She refuses to stand still, she throws her head, she shifts away from the stool, apparently I really need to step up the braiding practice. So much for the zen I had going on, I threw the shipping boots on and threw her in the trailer with threats of being sold to a petting zoo.

I was calm by the time we got to the show. We took a long time to warm up because we had so much time to kill. I used to require 60 mins of warmup on App and haven't ever actually changed that timeframe. I really need to slice it down to about 20 mins, bc Mia ended up tired and I ended up bored by the time our ride time came. 

The show was a fix-a-test and didn't ride anything like I expected. A fix-a-text is supposed to be ride test, talk about it, and then ride again to fix it. Apparently she was running it as ride your test and get a 15 min "lesson" to fix the bad parts of your test. I told her my issues in the test (holy haunches in canter batman), that I wanted to ride the test at least 2x, maybe 3x if there was time, because my brain had broken in this Training level test and I needed experience so I could stop being stupid. 

Now the caveat, as you know, was that I had ridden dressage exactly 5 days in the 4 weeks leading up to this show. 5 days, in a row. It's not like we were actually at the top of our game, we were doing this specifically for experience. I started the test and no real surprise, the wheels started to come off of the bus. Mia was pulling for most of the ride, her haunches didn't stay behind herself, she put trot steps in the freewalk, she broke into the canter at the lengthened trot, my brain wasn't riding every stride. At the 3/4 mark of the test, when we were in our last canter, my brain clicked and said "Hey! It doesn't matter! We will do this again!" That had me relax and while Mia broke into said canter in the lengthened trot, I thought the last bit of test rode the best. 

After our halt/salute, the judge tore us all apart. Her biggest issue is that I am riding exclusively with my hands. Except...I don't! I don't think I do anyway. I told her as much and she said I am absolutely riding with my hands, and riding her backwards with my hands. She said that I am chasing Mia the entire ride, and she looks like she is trying to run away during the test. She said my lengthened trot was....not and that I just chased her across the diagonal instead. And it went downhill from there. She said on 3 occasions I need regular lessons, which I told her I WANTED them but I can't FIND any. 

She then had me canter over and over and over and over until Mia moved her haunches off of my leg. She also had us practice the lengthened trot, which she had me simply post bigger and give Mia more rein. Apparently Mia only lengthened once, despite doing it 5 times. She wouldn't let me ride the test again, as she said Mia was too tired to go again but that I needed to find a trainer to help fix some of my riding habits and doing that will result in a much better dressage score. 

Deflated is putting the emotion I felt mildly. I had been super pumped going into the show. We were going to hit fitness hard, train, and go to the Training HT this upcoming Sunday. Instead? I didn't ride for a full week. And since? I have only done trail riding and very light fitness. I did reach out to take lessons from the lady that the judge recommended (she was riding after me at the show), but apparently there are politics at play (with the barn owner that I don't get along with) and she didn't respond to me for 2 weeks and finally said she'll let me know. I'm so frustrated and disappointed. I know we won't be ready for the next HT on Nov 3, but it is the only thing I can aim for at this point. I did find out the judge is coming to my barn for a clinic in Nov, I have not signed up for it lol.

And then? Well, that's for the next post.